Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Death, again

Nearly two months have gone by. We are still grieving the death of my sister-in-law. So much has happened. So hard to know where to start, so I will just dive in. We did hold a Lammas feast. More of a snack, really. I purchased a candle and a small cloth to use as an altar cloth on the table. We were outside, and I followed a ritual that I found online. It was simple, but it felt good, and I am glad we did do that. The bread and corn muffins were pretty darn good, too! August was mostly uneventful, everyone trying to get back to a normal pace of life. We never did hold a birthday party for DH, but he was given a few gifts by our D&D friends at on of the games. I am not sure he even registered that he got gifts, just that we were able to play our game again. We held a memorial / wake for DH's sister. We sent invitations to anyone we could think of (that wasn't many) and left a flyer at the YMCA on their bulletin board and with one of the people there who knew her in the Buddhist group she went to. The whole family was there, as were some of our closest friends. Only two people besides that showed up. We set up a memorial table with pictures and candles and there were a ton of flowers. We barbecued and ate and talked until nearly dark. Then, we all gathered in a circle, holding hands, and began speaking about her. Telling the stories and anecdotes from her life. Remembering her as each of us needed to. Our hearts were heavy with sorrow, but our spirits light with the support of all those around us. I will always be grateful for our friends and all of our family. For most of August, we didn't really see much of the rest of our family. DH's mother was, for a while, staying at our married niece's house. DH didn't want to bug her and press her for time to spend together, thinking she needed time to herself to grieve and pull herself back together. She eventually went home, but we were unaware of her goings and comings. I don't know that we actually saw her during August. For the last week of August through Labor Day, I took a vacation. We went to Brookings on the coast for two nights, then Bandon for the third day and then home. We camped in a nice state campground (Harris Beach State Park) and enjoyed the beach for one evening and one lovely afternoon. The weather was gorgeous and not too cold nor too windy nor too hot. Just perfect! Neither DH nor I really wanted to drive 4 hours and camp more, so we decided to cancel those reservations and just go to Bandon and go to the animal park there. That was a great decision! We had a lot of fun and got to sleep in our own beds that night. YAY! And showers! YAY! We got home Tuesday, August 30, and spent the rest of the days just being lazy. I was enjoying not having to work and getting some Lord of the Rings Online gaming in. Saturday morning, September 3, DH's phone rings. As he is sitting down, talking, he suddenly shouts out "NO! You've got to be kidding me!" I was immediately at his side. He hung up the phone in a panic and said to me "My mom is dead!" Needless to say, he was out the door in just a few minutes, flying to her home 25 miles away. All I could do was wait. Turns out, on the way there going WAY over the speed limit, he was pulled over. He was not really all that nice to the officer, but told his story. Once the officer confirmed it, DH was given a ride by the trooper. Before they could arrive, they got new information that she was in an ambulance and headed to the hospital. The trooper took DH back to his vehicle and followed him into town. Meanwhile, I had been up, pacing, praying, wondering. The kids were still asleep, thankfully. I finally got a call from DH. He was at the hospital. The Dr. had told him that, while they had a heartbeat, it was not a good one, and she had been down so long that there was zero chance of brain function being restored. He made the decision then and there, with total clarity as if being directed by an outside force, to stop all lifesaving efforts. Then he called me and asked me to bring the kids down. I woke my DD and she was nearly silent, even though I told her to get up, we have to go to the hospital, your Grandma is dying. I left her to go get my DS up. When I woke him, he was barely awake but was immediately heartbroken, wailing, WHY WHY WHY and clinging on to me. Once they were dressed, we went to the hospital. I will try to post the rest of the story as soon as possible. My your days be restful and productive.